Imagine: you meet a man you are interested in and find out soon after he is out of a relationship – He just broke up.
If you tell your friends about it, they’ll spray you with comments like, “It will not work because you’re just the bandage relationship!”-“Be careful because he shouldn’t be getting into a relationship with someone else so quickly! “.
In these situations, who is right? Is it safe to start a relationship with someone who has just broken off?
It’s a big chance that you have enough life and dating experience to know that entering a relationship with someone who is recently single is not the safest nor easiest path to take.
So how do you flirt with a man who recently broke up?
Understanding the breakup from a male point of view
Women are very emotional. They talk with their friends and analyze the relationship so that they can close it or put it into perspective in hindsight.
This process is laborious. But it usually leads to emotional clarity and an openness to a new relationship.
The light at the end of the tunnel
Men bury their feelings and “get on with it” by attempting to flirt again immediately. That means that they put off dealing with what happened, and as a result, their feelings come back to haunt them again and again in subsequent relationships.
Men express more anger and engage in more self-destructive behaviors than women. Women, in comparison, often feel more depressed and exhibit more social and affiliation behaviors than men.
Perhaps women’s behaviors are more constructive strategies because of their tendency to preserve the relationship, while men choose destructive ones to help them maintain their self-esteem.
Here is the part where the traditional stereotypes about men and women and love seem to be true. They taught women to be comfortable with their emotions and to express them openly. This is what they do: they cry, share their pain, go to therapy, do all kinds of things to actively “feel their feelings”, and then try to feel better. Their suffering is on display for all to see.
But, men, who are brought up with a traditionally masculine approach to emotions, learn to, you know, “behave like a man.”
That means staying independent, never asking for help, and always appearing strong and in control.
Therefore, you see men engaging in the destructive behavior mentioned above. A behavior that has nothing to do with processing emotions: drinking and partying, getting into work, sleeping right and left, or going out right away with a new woman (metaphorically, if you will, by putting a series of bandages on a gunshot wound).
Men recover from breakups differently from women, but certainly not faster. Both sexes experience the same grief, anger, pain, or any other emotion that the breakup caused.
Men, however, often go to great lengths to mask these feelings to appear more (stereotypically) masculine.
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While women like to share their raw emotions with friends and family. And often, they take time out stopping in their dating till healing.
Men adopt a “pretend until it’s reality” attitude, which means they have to suppress their feelings of grief and do whatever it takes to get rid of the pain.
Why?
Because the end of a relationship is a mark of failure. The grief they are going through has more to do with the failure than the loss of a partner.
This detachment is why men are so much more prone to, you guessed it well, the band-aid relationship.
Even though a man coming out of a relationship benefits from the feeling of being with someone different. So, the “bandage” girlfriend is even more important to him psychologically, as she helps him tell the world and himself as “I’m fine!”, “I’m strong!”, “I haven’t let my feelings get the better of me or slow me down!”, and “I am not a failure!”
You should try to be friends for a while and see if a lasting relationship could blossom once it has had time to heal.
One of the most important things to keep in mind is that men are no less emotional than women. But often they can’t deal with their feelings as women.
The most effective way for both men and women to recover from a relationship is to date someone new, but not bounce back. So when you’re sure he’s ready to get back in the saddle, that’s it.
Advice to date a man who just broke up
Tip # 1: Take it easy on him
Let’s say you’ve met a guy you love, and he just got out of a relationship a short while ago. To protect yourself, date this man gradually and cautiously.
Specifically, you can best protect yourself by seeing it about once a week.
The rush to spend several nights a week with someone you just met is not healthy. And it will often result in the following sequence of events: going too fast, having a mental panic attack, weirdness, or arguments between you two, and the ultimate breakup.
If you start slowly, you will be in control of your emotions and expectations.
Tip # 2: Delay sexual activity
If there is a time when it is possible to delay intimate activity, it is when you meet a man who just broke up.
After a relationship ends, people often want to intervene too quickly in sex. They want to prove that their last experience was not so sexually satisfying towards the end.
However, you don’t want him to exploit you. You want to make sure that your new partner is interested in you: on a personal and emotional level and not just as a sexual partner.
Therefore, you have to wait longer than usual to engage in sexual activity.
Tip # 3: Don’t talk about monogamy for at least a few months
The last thing you want someone to do is to establish another monogamous relationship as soon as they are released from another.
Date this guy casually to get to know him and determine if you have enough in common to have a lasting relationship.
It would be healthy for you to continue keeping your dating online profiles active during this time. Or, you can accept occasional dates with other people during this time.
The reason? You are in no rush to find “the right one”.
Tip # 4: Just broke up! NO Talking about his last relationship
The next point is crucial: You shouldn’t tell your new partner about details of his past relationship, as those details aren’t essential to the new relationship.
But it’s fair to ask your new boyfriend the following questions: “Did you feel you didn’t need time alone after the last relationship? “So you think you’ve had enough time to figure out where things went wrong? “What lessons have you learned from this relationship? “.
You are not trying to upset anyone. But you want to send a simple message that you are only interested in having a relationship if it is healthy.
Tip # 5: Wait before you meet the family
When you date a new person, you are likely to meet his friends and coworkers.
However, since this new person just got out of a relationship, put the brakes on meeting family members until you’ve been dating him for several months.
Meeting family members takes the relationship to the next level. Especially if meeting parents or siblings involves getting on a plane and traveling for a long trip. You don’t have to rush to meet someone’s family.
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You won’t know for several months whether a relationship has a real chance of lasting. And that’s because it takes several months (at least!) To get to know someone new.
Sure, you can get along incredibly well, and all signs may be that the relationship will last. But the man you are dating just broke up one relationship and has started the next one, and you need to be sure you will not be (unnecessarily) heartbroken.
To protect yourself, you can also follow my advice about dating a man who has a girlfriend.
What do you think? Have you ever been in the bandage girlfriend position? Have you ever hit on a man who just broke up? Tell me all about it in the comments!
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